You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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