I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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