if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
