i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
