Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
