so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
