Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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