What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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