i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
