i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
