I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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