white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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