I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
