did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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