Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
