no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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