I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
