i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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