two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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