so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
