So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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