I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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