Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
