I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
