I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
