Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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