Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
