dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
