I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
