Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
