Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize