Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
