is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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