Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
