thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
