I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
