And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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