I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
