mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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