It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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