Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
