did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She announced her abortion via fbk
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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