I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
