I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
