i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
