Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You made out with two different species that night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
