After last night, I could never be a politician.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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