considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
