there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
