Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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