also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
