i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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