I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
