The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
