I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
