I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
