Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
