I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize