i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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