he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize