Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She swung at the pinata with crutches
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
