Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
