after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
