how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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