I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
