I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize