Non-Jews are for practice
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
