I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
this is an emotional support booty call
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize