She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
