her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
