He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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