Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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