Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Semen is not good for contacts.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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