My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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