Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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