Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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