remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
