her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
