I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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