I think im going to throw up on grandma
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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