hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
