I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
