i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
