Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
