i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize