Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
