this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
