I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
