You're completely useless in the revolution.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
