And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
