and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
