there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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