Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
