i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize