The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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