Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize